A Bitter pill to swallow

By Her Beautiful Melancholy

New year, new me. Right?!
New... Sigh. New year. New me.

For the longest time- no. Ever since I can
Remember. My whole life. Down to
The very second I opened my eyes for the
First time. I was surrounded by darkness.
Nothing I did was ever quite right. No amount of straight A's, appraising teachers or professors.
Extracurricular activities, awards, achievements, or concerts could warrant the praise or approval I so desperately longed for...desired.

And no matter how fast I ran I                          
Would never outrun the relentless pursuit of darkness. Always on my beck and call.            
Right on my heels.

I ran, ran and ran....and RAN. "Run"
Begging, pleading for a way out. For
Someone to- to what?
Chasing after a family I could never please nor satisfy.
And although I knew it was pointless I could never muster the courage or strength  to let go.
And end this never-ending race.
And just stop. Stop running.
And give up on that dream I could only ever graze from the shadows.

Inside I was trembling. Cowering from the darkness. Running desperately.
With my arms stretched out in front
of me, chasing after a dream.
To me, they were the only beacon of light in that kingdom of eternal darkness.
And even if it meant chasing after them for all of eternity.
I'd do it gladly. Because that was far better than being left facing the darkness "alone"

And so. I did just that.
Year in and year out. Season after season.
Time after time.
I ran and ran. And never stopped running from the dark...                                                     

Chasing after what I soon realized to be an impossibly beautiful dream.

"A dream". And that's all it ever would be.

                              

Comments

  1. BlessingOctober 5, 2021 at 2:04 PM

    So touching, and well written.

    ReplyDelete
  2. stormOctober 5, 2021 at 10:10 PM

    Although I feel like I wont understand the true meaning of all these upcoming blogs just yet. I can still resonate with this one post a little. We all feel like there's always something not right or that we are never enough.

    Its only when we become more selfish and remove the opinions and feelings of others from our minds that we can move forward. Because as long as you're personally content with your current state and how you are living life then nothing else matters. As long as we do what feels right each day, that's all we can do

    ReplyDelete
  3. MenziesOctober 9, 2021 at 6:29 PM


    Hey D its a beautiful poem it sad thought but its from the deprs if the heart gd way of healing and i gd way ti expreds5 yourself
    Weldone we proud of u.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DaniëlleOctober 10, 2021 at 7:06 AM

    I truly appreciate each and every reply given.

    Thank you all

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

This is a conversation-friendly space. Let's Chat, Share your opinion. Spill some tea. But be respectful to one another.

I look forward to hearing from and talking with everyone :)

Popular posts from this blog

It's okay to not be okay

By Her Beautiful Melancholy
Image
Like a branch sprouting from a dying tree, saving it from the brink of disaster. So we too must learn to grow and evolve past our current state. ‘It is never too late to start anew”  But when we spend enough time pretending to be someone we're not, eventually we’ll lose ourselves to the act. And become the lie we so carefully constructed for ourselves. Lost in a barrage of facades and personas. Slipping further and further away from the truth and who we truly are.  I think that’s where the saying comes from. “In life, we constantly have to find and rediscover ourselves”  This however isn't always easy. often, we're too arrogant and ignorant to realize we’ve strayed from the path we once set for ourselves, after all, IGNORANCE IS BLISS.    Sometimes we get too absorbed with our problems that we turn a blind eye to everything that threatens to ruin or disrupt this carefully constructed life we put together. For fear of failure, judgment, loneliness, loss of money...
Read more

To be brave

By Her Beautiful Melancholy
Image
 Mistakes huh Hm. I see , now I understand. Failure is nothing more than a stepping stone for success. He who never fails has never dared to dream or reach deep into the abyss. How sad it must be.  And how sad it is to live a life boxed in by the limitations set by your mind. Just because we're afraid of falling.  The irony  lies in the fact that instead of plummeting to the ground you might soar higher than you've dreamed, but now you'll never know. It is only when we understand why failure, heartache, sorrow, and regrets are such a crucial part of life and a "monumental" part of self-growth. You'd never get involved with someone if you knew they would betray your trust or break your heart. If you knew, you would never get involved with them in the first place. After all who would willingly step up just to get hurt?! And yet without experiencing heartbreak or betrayal you would never know what it means to trust someone blindly or love wholeheartedly. In fact,...
Read more